Blog: Balancing Qi with Kay

Spring Cleaning My Emotional Closet

3/13/2014

     Lately I have been doing quite a bit of work on emotional cleansing. Appropriate for the spring season, for sure. In keeping with the energy of the spring, I am working on forgiveness. Hanging on to old resentments is bad for our health. I am reminded of the Zen saying that harboring anger is like holding on to a hot coal with the intention of throwing it at someone else. You only burn your own hand. I get that - intellectually. Practice, however, is a lot harder. Sometimes it isn't as easy as simply declaring forgiveness and, poof, the hurt and anger are gone. I guess I'm not quite that Zen-like yet.

     During this cleansing process, I had an epiphany on how there is a big difference between the insults and injuries we have truly forgiven and those we have simply suppressed. Upon self examination, I found many hurts, some of them huge, that have been completely forgiven. I can recall them without emotional charge, sort of like watching a movie. Then there's the more toxic stuff. Old hurts hanging out in my emotional closet that I had simply tucked away but not forgiven. It's those buried unhealed wounds that lodge in our bodies and burn like a hot coal. I'd like to clear my emotional closet of those. But how?

     One of my pet peeves about alternative health practitioners is our penchant for offering simplistic platitudes designed to cure profound wounds. Maybe I'm not very evolved, but I need a more specific process than just telling myself to "let it go." So, I began to examine my life time collection of wounds to figure it out. I realized that forgiveness often happened spontaneously with acknowledgment of wrongdoing and an expression of remorse by the "guilty" party. Simply put, a sincere apology untied the knot of pain, resentment and anger. Almost like magic. And it makes sense when you think about it. Even in our criminal justice system, the convict's admission of guilt and remorse will lessen the severity of the punishment.

     But those are the easy cases for forgiveness. Sometimes we fall victim to people who are never sorry. They may never acknowledge or feel remorse for the wrong committed or the damage done. They may even lie about their actions or attempt to deny or diminish your claim of hurt. In these cases, we simply do not want to forgive them because they don't deserve it.

    Working out the process of forgiving in these tricky cases is my current undertaking for this year's spring cleaning. When I look closely, I can find examples where I have already done it. Instances where I forgave in the absence of apology - even in the presence of denials and lies. In these times I had a deep awareness that I simply needed to get past it and move on. To not allow the wound to be disabling. It doesn't matter whether someone deserves to be forgiven. It doesn't matter that they were wrong and I was right. It doesn't matter whether that person will ever "pay" for what they've done to me. As long as I think I need an apology to let go and move on, I give that person the power to hold me in a pattern of perpetual victim-hood. Forgiving doesn't mean condoning. Forgiveness isn't necessarily the gift we give to another, as much as it is the one we give to ourselves by letting go of the burning hot coal.

     That still leaves me with figuring out how to let go. I believe the most powerful keys to forgiveness are perspective and gratitude. These emanate from from a place of my own power, instead of relying on an external source of apology. I control my own sense of perspective and feelings of gratitude. I release my own anger, resentment and pain. Perspective is attaining the higher vantage point that allows assessment. Seeing things in a new light. In the grander scheme of your life, how big was it really? How much did I contribute to the situation? What can I learn from it? How can I prevent this kind of harm in the future? What wound was in the other person's life to cause them to do what they did? With a refreshed perspective, gratitude can break up the last of the cement that binds you to the pain. Thank goodness it wasn't worse. I survived. Now, I'm so glad that I didn't get that promotion or have that relationship last. The course of my life (and all the good that has come) depended on me having the past exactly as it was - pain included. What I thought of as misfortunes at the time actually shaped my present and future good fortune. I look at the things I cherish most now - my life as an acupuncturist, my beautiful daughter. Thank God so many things went "wrong" and felt so bad to put me on the right path.

    Ah, I feel lighter already.

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Getting Kids to Eat Healthy: My Fight with the Sugar Monster

9/28/2013

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This week I threw away two cases of Girl Scout cookies. Mind you, I only had them because my daughter's troop needed the money. What led me to heave such iconic treasures into the landfill? It's not that I am so personally clean and purified in my own eating habits. I ate my share of the Samoas. (And who wouldn't enjoy the ridiculously tantalizing combination of cookie, caramel, chocolate, and coconut?) The long and the short of it is, I have an addict in the house. And just as an alcoholic can't keep a bottle of scotch in the cupboard "for guests," we can't have Girl Scout cookies lurking around.

For those of you who have been following my blog on this subject, you know that I am on a mission to "clean up" my 11 year old daughter's diet. My steps are simply stated. Make healthy food taste great. Serve it and only it. Eventually, hunger will drive consumption. Our personal progress is pretty good, with some ups and downs. I'll get to that in a bit, but first I have to get on my soapbox.

We are a nation in danger. We stand poised, pointing a gun at our own heads. That gun is loaded with sugar. And yes, it will kill us - perhaps slowly, but surely it will. Here's what we know. There is growing evidence to show that sugar addiction is a real biological phenomenon, potentially stronger than addiction to cigarettes or alcohol. Click here to read more. Americans' average daily sugar consumption is WAY UP from bygone days. And no, all forms of sugar are not the same. Beyond quickly metabolizing into spiked blood sugar levels, high fructose corn syrup affects brain chemistry. It literally turns off the appetite control center and turns on a craving for yet more food, particularly sweets. Sugar free foods don't save us because artificial sweeteners affect the appetite control center in the brain in the same fashion, leading us to eat even more sweets. So, what's the big deal? The health ramifications of all that sugar consumption are likely far worse than we might imagine. Diabetes, heart disease, cancer, obesity, chronic inflammation, ADHD. They all have rather pointed links to excessive sugar consumption.

Which leads me back to home, our dinner table, and our food pantry. Like any mom, I want to indulge my child with the occasional sweet treat. Cookies and milk don't just taste good, they convey nurturing and love. But when dealing with a junkie, they become that single sip of wine that pushes the alcoholic off the wagon. I've seen this with my daughter. As I mentioned, we've made great strides. While she still doesn't eat kale with much zeal, she has accepted fresh fruit and nuts for snacks. She even raved about the homemade pumpkin soup we had for dinner last night. The results of her clean up program have been impressive. She is not nearly as moody, focuses better in school, and has much more energy. But let her have the cookie (soda, jello, or candy) and WATCH OUT! The sugar monster rears its ugly head. The immediate rush regresses her behavior to that of a wild three year old - over the top giddy, fidgety and impulsive. Then she crashes into an over sensitive, irritable mess, who seeks a fix of, you guessed it, more sugar.

Sorry, Girl Scouts of America, I had to throw your cookies away. I am trying to find a way of expressing my motherly desire to nurture my child with sweets in less harmful ways. It's a journey, for sure, but first I have to get the cocaine out of the closets.

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Getting Kids to Eat Healthy: Update

8/29/2013

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In my last post, I offered my thoughts on the need to take control of our kids' eating habits, at least at home. Goes something like this. Prepare healthy food in a tasty manner. Offer it. If they take the bait, great. If not, let them go hungry. Assuming that you do truly make the food palatable, they will eventually eat what you offer. I also promised to let you know how this flies for my newly fussy "tween" daughter.

Rome wasn't built in a day. That's the mantra I keep repeating to myself. We eat high quality meat and fish and she still consumes that with zeal. My battle ground is defined as getting her to trade in the refined carbs for fresh veggies, fruits, and whole grains. So far, experiences are mixed. She pretty calmly accepted my declaration that what's on the table is what's for dinner, period. She's been less thrilled that at least one bite of the vegetation is the ticket to dessert - a healthy one, of course. There have been differences of opinion on what constitutes a "bite" of vegetables. She also delivered an Emmy winning performance of just how bad the ridiculously small amount of kale tasted. There's been some sneaking, like when she substituted sugar for the salt on a batch of popcorn. She was surprised that I could tell! Then there are also the victories. The success of home made pizza wasn't a shock, even with the whole wheat crust. What kid doesn't like pizza? The big stunner came last night when she proclaimed that the beets, organic and fresh from the garden, were "actually not half bad." And she even took a second helping. I tried not to smile, so as to conceal my inner sense of triumph. Ah, but tomorrow is another day full of quixotic pre-teen twists and turns. I know better than to get smug, Rome not being built in a day and all.

Even this early in my experiment, I have some theories about this process. I believe that our children are addicted to sugar, in all its forms. Unfortunately, American families don't eat too many home cooked meals anymore. We are on the run a lot and rely too heavily on processed foods. If you look closely, virtually every processed food is sweetened, either naturally or artificially. And I'm not just talking about the obvious sources, like soda and cookies. I'm talking about ketchup, potato chips, chicken nuggets, and "fruit" snacks. If you don't believe me, read the labels. This doesn't even take into account the fact that the refined white flour abundant in so many of our foods creates the same spike in blood sugar. This sugar loading has instilled an obsessive drive for sweetness. At a bare minimum, it's deadened our kids' taste buds, making any non-sweetened food taste, well, bad. Emmy winning performance bad. I think that what kids need is a good palette cleansing. With refreshed taste buds, maybe real fresh fruit will be considered a delectable snack and the natural sweetness of beets can actually be appreciated. Just like when I fed them to her as a toddler. It's a theory anyway.

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Getting Kids to Eat Healthy: You're Joking, Right?

8/18/2013

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Over eleven years ago, when my beautiful baby girl was born, I obsessed just a bit on providing her the best, most pristine nutrition possible. For the first six months of her life, nothing but breast milk passed her lips. And since I was a direct proxy to her diet, I made sure that mine was as close to impeccable as possible. Once I began supplementing breast milk with solid food, I was still rating pretty high on the OCD scale. All her food was organic and homemade. She never once consumed even a spoonful of commercial baby food. As she progressed into toddler-hood, I maintained my steely control over her intake. I was proud nearly to the point of arrogance about her zeal for fresh fruit and hummus with whole wheat pita.

Fast forwarding to the current "tween" years, something seems to have unraveled. Sure, it's true that she was exposed to candy bars and high fructose corn syrup as soon as she hit preschool. Somehow I still managed to keep her mostly interested in high quality nutritious meals. She once even refused a classmate's kind offer to share some strawberries because they weren't organically grown. Seemed like the brainwashing was working. I guess it's only fitting then that when my daughter reached the natural age of staking her claim on contrariness and independence, it would be about food. Given my anal retentive qualities about nutrition, it was a glaringly obvious target. So now I deal with an ever growing list of healthy food that she doesn't like and "won't eat," as well as the line up of dietary crap that she craves like a junky.

And I must confess that I've fallen into something of a trap. In my desperation to find something, anything, that she will actually eat, I've allowed her to narrow her diet into patterns that I know are not optimal. It's frustrating and even embarrassing. But I recently had an epiphany. Somehow I forgot that I am the one who is actually still in control over food choices, at least at home. I still do the shopping. I still do the cooking. I am reminding myself of the many times I have given parents of younger children tips on how to get them to take liquid Chinese herbs, which, by the way, taste gross. Mix it with a little grape juice to help cut the bad taste, hand it to your child and say, "Here's your medicine. It will make you feel better. Drink it all in one gulp." If necessary, you can add in a "because I'm your mother/father and I said so."

The point I am getting at here is this: while you don't have to be draconian, it is still important to remember that you are the adult in the equation and do have some measure of control. So, here's the dietary version of my advice. Healthy food can be made to taste good, so learn how to do that. And offer that for meals and snacks. When you get the stink eye and the request for a hot dog and potato chips as a substitute, remind them that this is what's on the menu today. I would never recommend force feeding children against their will, but there is nothing wrong with letting them go hungry. When they later need a snack, offer them something healthy. Eventually they will eat what's available and they will not die in the process. Now, I'm no fool and I know that kids will have access to all kinds of junk at school and with friends. It is up to you though to keep the offerings at home as healthy as possible. When you cave to "demands" for something else, you are simply reinforcing their picky behavior and you are being trained by them, just the same as buying a toy to stop a 3 year old's public tantrum.

Now, I'm going to try following my own advice!! I'll let you know how it goes. . .

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Does Acupuncture Treat Stress?

6/9/2013

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     Whether acupuncture treats stress is one of the most frequent questions I get. When you think about it, it's a pretty odd question because stress isn't a disease, disorder or even a symptom. Stress is an outside force applied to an object. The idea had no medical relevance or reference point at all until the 1930's. A research scientist named Hans Selye conducted what turned out to be a failed experiment to determine the function of the mystery substance secreted by the ovaries. Because he was generally a horrific animal handler, he inadvertently terrorized the rats by having to chase them all around his lab to corner and catch them. They all developed ulcers, enlarged adrenal glands, and shrunken immune tissues. Selye found out nothing about the mysterious secretion from ovaries, but he did reason that all of the symptoms he induced in his rats were a response to "general unpleasantness," which he ultimately came to refer to as stress.

     To really answer the question of whether acupuncture treats stress, we have to further define the question. I think there are two main factors relating to stress that are the focus of the inquiry. First is determining whether we can treat the bodily effects of stress. The second factor is addressing how a person copes with stress. This factor is arguably far more important than the first. Regardless, in my clinical experience, acupuncture effectively addresses stress on both scores.

Back to Mr. Selye for a moment. He later confirmed his earlier findings with further studies (subjecting his lab rats to all manor of unpleasantness) and developed the General Adaptation Syndrome (GAS) theory of stress. The GAS theory postulates that the effect of stress on the body develops in three stages: alarm, resistance, and exhaustion. For all three stages of the effects of stress, we are primarily talking about the relative levels of the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol. During alarm, levels rise. This is often referred to as our "fight or flight" response. It's a great adaptation if we're running away from a lion, but less so if we just go back to our cubicles, stew about the event and eat a doughnut. During the second stage, resistance, stress hormone levels go back down, as we either adapt or the stressor resolves. In other words, we get over it and recover. What happens to most of us, however, is the stressful situation persists, we don't particularly "get over it," and the body remains in a constant state of alarm. That leads to the third stage of exhaustion or burn out. We really don't know the full effects of prolonged, chronic stress. But we do know that it depletes the immune system, injures brain tissue, raises blood pressure, and contributes to heart disease. These effects are all factors that can be addressed with acupuncture and Chinese medicine. But that isn't the most interesting part . . .

    A wonderful piece of wisdom from the Chinese medical classics is that prevention is a far superior healing method than cure. In other words, shifting a person's ability to cope with stress counts for more than the stress itself. When talking about stress with my patients, I tell them that acupuncture cannot make stress go away, as life has unavoidable stressors in it. All we really have power over is our internal reaction to those stressors. I liken life to being in a boat on the ocean. We face waves. Some waves are really big and others pretty small. Rare is the wave that can truly capsize us, i.e., the life threatening variety. One of our big problems in dealing with "stress" in modern society is that we tend to think that most, if not all, waves are of the capsizing magnitude and react internally as such. One of the most profound effects of acupuncture treatment is that it can help us regain that sense of perspective and not react to every situation as if a lion was chasing us. (Sorry about the mixture of metaphors!) This shift of perspective is perhaps the greatest protector against stress and its nasty effects. If we don't get revved up in the first place, we don't get to either stage 2 or 3.

     Of course, every now and then we face a pretty big wave. Maybe it doesn't kill us, but it knocks us out of the boat. Because acupuncture treatment helps us keep better mentally balanced, we do better in the recovery mode of stage 2. We make a fair assessment of the damage, put it into proper perspective and move on. Again, no need to get to stage 3.

     In truth, there are many practices that help us combat stress. Meditation, yoga, tai chi, even gardening if you find it relaxing. In my experience, both as patient and practitioner, acupuncture treatment is an invaluable tool, either alone or with other practices, for effectively managing stress.

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Spring Cleaning My Emotional Closet

Getting Kids to Eat Healthy: My Fight with the Sugar Monster

Getting Kids to Eat Healthy: Update

Getting Kids to Eat Healthy: You're Joking, Right?

Does Acupuncture Treat Stress?

Balancing Qi with Kay

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